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Best 51 Funny Quotes


1. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing everyday.”

2. “I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.”

3. “Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.”

4. “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”

5. “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”

6. “Life is short, smile you still have teeth.”

7. “If a book about failures does not sell, is it a success?”

8. “Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?”

9. “Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.”

10. “Save paper, don’t do home work.”

11. “Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.”

12. “Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.”

13. “A picture is worth a thousand words, but only if you know that many.”

14. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”

15. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”

16. “If I had just one hour left to live. I'd spend it in math class never ends.”

Funny Quotes

17. “A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”

18. “We are all here on earth to help others;  what on earth the others are here for I don't know.”

19. “Cure for an obsession: get another one.”

20. “Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.”

21. “No one has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.”

22. “Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble.”

23. “The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.”

24. “Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.”

25. “Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity.”

26. “Everything is funny as long as it's happening to somebody else.”

27. ”Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.”

28. “I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”

29. “I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.”

30. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”

31. “Between two evils i always pick the one i never tried before.”

32. “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”

33. “Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”

34. “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”

35. “As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”

36. “Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”

37. “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”

38. “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”

39. “If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?”

40. “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.”

41. “Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.”

42. “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

43. “I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”

44. “Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.”

45. “You’re only as good as your last haircut.”

46. “May be you should eat some make up so you can be pretty on the inside too.”

47. “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”

48. “A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know.”

49. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

50. “Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.”

51. “Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.”

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